I’m a work in progress. I am definitely a parent in process. Turns out, parenting, just like life, will put a bend in life where you thought a straight line was. And if you don’t have your crystal ball out, you just might tumble off the road for a beat or two.
My latest “bend” was my daughter turning 2. I know, those infamous terrible twos, that parents vaguely warn you about while muttering under their breaths and shaking their heads. Although I don’t think it’s as much “terrible” as it is “challenging,” I’ve become one of those parents, stupefied, defeated, lost. No, not lost. In progress.
My wonderful amazing infant/toddler suddenly became a wonderful amazing toddler/child and while that’s a wonderful amazing thing (it really is!) it’s also like – totally new everything. A more independent, more aware, more involved, more active, more vocal, more more. Which: Yay! And also: OMG.
And it’s hard to remember this littler being is still quite little and should be quite dependent upon me, especially when she’s clinging to me while I’m trying to cook dinner or conversely running away from my sunlotion-ladened hands. Because sometimes I find myself thinking, with her being so much more everything, that she should also be more understanding, more able to play independently, or more able to fall asleep on her own.
It’s not all challenging, of course. But it’s definitely all consuming me, in my effort to remain the type of parent I strive to be. I don’t want to yell (I do), I don’t want to be frustrated (oh yeah), I don’t want to be anything but in love with her. But, hey, I am large, I contain multiples – so does Pip – we all do.
I have to remind myself to forgive myself, for not having gotten the hang of this yet. And to lay off myself- why should I have the hang of this, when it’s all new, just like every day in life is new? And that I’m doing the best I can, and that Pip is happy and healthy and loved and perfect, really. As am I.
So, that’s where I’ve been. Realizing (again) that I’m a parent in progress. And that that is pretty special, too.